Time for decisions

Christmas is nearly upon us again. I tend to get a bit fed up at Christmas. The TV vision of either joy and festivities, or misery and depression seems to go to extremes, with no middle ground.

I tend to feel it is the season to be depressed, if you are ever going to be depressed now is the time to do it.

For the past 4 years I've been working within my own company. All holidays and breaks from work have caused me to reflect on what I do and why I choose to do it. If you run your own company and don't 'go to work' there is no money. The thoughts 'surely it would be better/easier/less stressful to get a (proper) job' float through my head at these times when really I should be making the most of the quiet time. This year I feel more relaxed (at the moment) and I guess that each year the feeling will get better. Year 1 was terrifying, and now I know it is just how things are and something else will come along. Every week I am thankful that I don't have a proper job. I like the feeling of control it gives me, even if the cashflow can cause moments of stress...

I've got mental plans in place for the things I am going to start doing to promote the business and grow it beyond being mostly just me. They feel real and do'able now, probably for the first time I'm confident enough to admit publicly that I'm good at what I do and worth a premium sum of money. That looks a bit silly in print, but it took me a long time to remove myself from traditional employment and it has taken me a bit longer to start properly getting my head round the issues of what is good value and how I can provide it in a consultancy framework.

Similarly the pressure to buy everything to make things better is still there but I am getting a bit better. I still think I probably shop beyond my means but at least this year I have gone a whole year without a credit card - in itself that deserves a celebration.